Reigniting My Passion For Music As A Christian

"What would you do if money wasn't an option?" My answer has always been music.

I wanted to write, produce, and perform it. I have always loved music, but it felt like an unattainable dream. Even through the trials of studio sessions and answering Craigslist ads for lessons. Through all of that, the idea of me pursuing something musical felt undoable.

The older I became, the dream of music was silenced by reality. It wasn't a specific person who brought on the fear and insecurities when it came to music. There was an internal doubt that convinced me I could never be successful in a musical career. After letting it dwindle in my spirit due to a lack of consistency, doubt, and fear, the desire for a life within the music industry has been rekindled.

This reignited passion confuses me because it has come two years after my rededication to Christ. The first year of my rededicated life, I dropped secular/carnal music cold turkey. I worked out to gospel and Christian music and even taught my fitness classes to it. After about a year, I found myself back and forth, listening to certain artists, but if the lyrics were too carnal, I would not indulge. Even then, I did not feel the spark of being a part of music. Maybe too much was on my mind. Maybe I felt that I was too old. Maybe I thought the time had passed. Maybe I believed that there was no place for music within my Christianity. Maybe all of the above.

Within the last few months, my desire for a life in music has surged. My interest piqued in DJing for the second time in my life. I went headfirst and bought equipment. And then I was stagnant for months. I dabbled but never really practiced, and went some time with it, collecting dust on my desk. During that time, I slacked on listening to music as well. And suddenly, through a stream of consciousness, as I was trying to sell/get rid of the equipment, I began to feel unrest about the idea of not having it. With that unrest, I cleaned off the dining room table and made it my DJ booth.

For the last week, I have been exploring music with a new perspective as a Christian. This change has created space for me to find new Christian artists in various genres. While I am enjoying the adventure of new music, I am fighting my old self. I'm fighting the urge to play the music that brings back memories and emotions. Now, remember it has only been a week, so this battle is only on my dining room table and not in front of a crowd or publicly. But even in the confines of my home, I am trying to understand the space I will reside in when it comes to Christianity and music.

I experimented with songs from my early college and LA nights. They still hit, but my spirit was convicted. I have ideas of DJing events and parties, but being led by Christ makes those events and parties look different than what I have previously imagined.

I was once in an overthinking, dopamine-driven state, where the beginning was where all the energy was put, and the consistency was where the energy would burn out. When I gave my life to Christ and decided to follow Him, the change began. I am learning to calm my mind. Focus on the present. Enjoy the process. This time around, I am not concerned with what it looks like. I am not overthinking my current or future skill level. I am not leaving space for any doubts, insecurities, or fear.

I am learning to love and live my passions for God's Kingdom. In this season I am not only listening to God, I am being obedient. I am following the desire He put in my heart while releasing my ideas of what it should look like. The passion of music has been reignited by God. I will use it to honor and build his kingdom.